And you point to the sky and you don't know why

Googling "vascular lesion knee" is both largely unhelpful and mildly terrifying. Upshot -> to the orthopedist I go.

I'm always irrationally annoyed by commercials for acne systems like Proactive or Skin ID. All of them are benzoyl peroxide based, which I'm allergic to. Yes, I can have clear skin via a little tube of cream from the drug store - but I wouldn't be able to see my nice clear skin with my eyes swelled completely shut.

I think the source of my irritation is that they make it sound like they can help anyone and everyone, which, no.

We had a mandatory meeting at work today, to review our corporate policy on harassment and abuse. Apparently, it has been happening on our team recently, and they wanted to remind us that we’re required to report any that we see and to promise that they’ll take every report seriously.

It reminded me of my old job, a couple of years back, about something I had actually completely forgotten about. For a short period of time, I had a manager (two levels up) that used to do to me what would apparently fall in my new company under the “demean and belittle” clause. This was back when I was in a major depressive cycle, so I guess it had gotten lost in the general haze of my memory of that time. (And even my normal memory is more strainer-like then swiss-cheese-like. Everything streams right out.)

I freely admit that I was a horrible employee at the time, and it’s a miracle I wasn’t fired for completely legitimate reasons. I was burned out after 10 years at a job that the typical person only lasted 3 years at, was distracted because I was having fertility issues and desperately wanted a child, and was deep enough into depression and my GAD to be having panic attacks every time I went to check my work email.

Still, this had been happening for awhile, and this is the only one of my managers that I ever had a problem with. Sure, I had had meetings with the others about my performance, and I am extremely sensitive to criticism in certain contexts (see: GAD), so those hurt. But none of those other managers ever made me feel like this. I internally cringed every time I had to talk to him.

When I finally talked to other managers about it, and eventually reported him to HR, I was (reasonably, and I don’t hold that part against them) asked for specific examples of his behavior. Problem was, it was hard to come up with concrete evidence, as it was 95% tone of voice, body language, etc. And I am pretty much deaf to body language, so it had to be very blatant for me to feel threatened. But other people present at our meetings hadn’t noticed anything (or, more likely, didn’t want to say anything negative about a Very Important Person).

So they said that he was just “direct”. No one else had ever made a complaint, they said. I was being too sensitive. (The primary person assuring me of this, by the way, happened to be one of his best friends.)

With a couple of years distance, I can look back and evaluate his behavior more dispassionately.

You know what? He was fucking abusive.

I hope someone else eventually reports him too, and they take that person seriously now that my complaint is on record. Fucking asshole.

MY WHOLE LIFE AT THIS MOMENT IS REPLAYING THE VIDEO AND REFRESHING MCR_UNOFFICIAL. AND CAPSLOCKING.

I GOT THE JOB!!!

Starting at substantially more than I asked for, and in the three weeks I asked for.

I really, really want to stop falling onto my right knee. This time wasn't even my usual clumsiness - I walked into the kitchen and my feet just slid right out under me. (I have no idea why, since there was nothing on the floor when I checked afterwords.)

I'm resigned at this point to the damage being pretty much permanent. It's been swollen for... god, upwards of two years now. And it was for months the year before, too, after the original injury.

I just want it to heal to the point where I can, say, kneel on a hard surface for more than a few seconds without agonizing pain.

The dogs are anxious and are trying to harass the cats and picking bark wars with the neighbor dogs, one of the cats decided to tip over a cat box (spilling it all down behind a bunch of big, heavy boxes) and is now hiding under one of the beds, and the peanut butter was full of ants. It's amazingly oppressively humid out there, and even the adorable!baby!scene!kid down the street looks morose smoking in the yard.

So this is going to be one of those days.

My Zach, the (probable) basset hound/pit bull mix, likes to escape sometimes and run around on his own while I have a heart attack worrying about cars. He managed it again last night when I was 75% asleep at about 5:00am, coming back in the house with Duncan (cattle dog/dachshund). He came back home carrying a bone, as has become common since moving here.

At first they were just medium sized chunks of bone, cut off, so I had assumed that he was stealing them from a nearby dog. Then they became actual small-to-medium-sized entire bones, and I started to think that maybe he had found a long-dead deer out in the woods. This time though... this time it was two large bones, still connected by some tissue. This worries me. If there's a human bone yard out there somewhere, I'd really prefer not to know about it.

( Torturing family is THE BEST.  )

Good news - it looks like I was being paranoid! The bumps and itching were gone except for on my palms by the time I got up today, and the palms were back to normal by mid-afternoon. I just took tonight's dose so I'm going to keep a close eye out for any recurrence, but for the moment I'm chalking it up to something I touched at the laundromat yesterday or something. HUGE relief.

I am thoroughly unimpressed by this whole propane water heater thing. I've never seen a company(ies) so reluctant to take my money.