risha: Illustration for "Naptime" by Martha Wilson (Default)
From our ICD-10 scope Risk Management matrix

Rating for Impact for each risk:

C - Catastrophic - a momentous tragic event ranging from extreme misfortune to utter overthrow or ruin
risha: (Bother this nonsense)
We had a mandatory meeting at work today, to review our corporate policy on harassment and abuse. Apparently, it has been happening on our team recently, and they wanted to remind us that we’re required to report any that we see and to promise that they’ll take every report seriously.

It reminded me of my old job, a couple of years back, about something I had actually completely forgotten about. For a short period of time, I had a manager (two levels up) that used to do to me what would apparently fall in my new company under the “demean and belittle” clause. This was back when I was in a major depressive cycle, so I guess it had gotten lost in the general haze of my memory of that time. (And even my normal memory is more strainer-like then swiss-cheese-like. Everything streams right out.)

I freely admit that I was a horrible employee at the time, and it’s a miracle I wasn’t fired for completely legitimate reasons. I was burned out after 10 years at a job that the typical person only lasted 3 years at, was distracted because I was having fertility issues and desperately wanted a child, and was deep enough into depression and my GAD to be having panic attacks every time I went to check my work email.

Still, this had been happening for awhile, and this is the only one of my managers that I ever had a problem with. Sure, I had had meetings with the others about my performance, and I am extremely sensitive to criticism in certain contexts (see: GAD), so those hurt. But none of those other managers ever made me feel like this. I internally cringed every time I had to talk to him.

When I finally talked to other managers about it, and eventually reported him to HR, I was (reasonably, and I don’t hold that part against them) asked for specific examples of his behavior. Problem was, it was hard to come up with concrete evidence, as it was 95% tone of voice, body language, etc. And I am pretty much deaf to body language, so it had to be very blatant for me to feel threatened. But other people present at our meetings hadn’t noticed anything (or, more likely, didn’t want to say anything negative about a Very Important Person).

So they said that he was just “direct”. No one else had ever made a complaint, they said. I was being too sensitive. (The primary person assuring me of this, by the way, happened to be one of his best friends.)

With a couple of years distance, I can look back and evaluate his behavior more dispassionately.

You know what? He was fucking abusive.

I hope someone else eventually reports him too, and they take that person seriously now that my complaint is on record. Fucking asshole.

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risha: Illustration for "Naptime" by Martha Wilson (Default)
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March 2015

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